By Charlene Giannetti

In 2006, with Margaret Sagarese, I co-authored a parenting book, Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter’s Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds. During the ten years Margaret and I had spent writing about young adolescents, talking with them, giving presentations to parents, we became alarmed that preteens and teens no longer dated. In fact, DATE had become a four-letter word, something to be avoided at all costs. Why? Parents were fearful that if their daughter went on a date (read one-on-one with a boy) sex would follow. Parents, with the best of intentions, were not allowing their daughters to experience this coming-of-age practice of learning about relationships. Boy Crazy! was our attempt to reassure parents and give them advice so they could help their daughters navigate the tricky waters of dating.

Sarah O’Leary Burningham’s new book, Boyology: A Teen Girl’s Crash Course in All Things Boy, can be seen as the companion book, a solid advice book that mothers can share with their daughters. I gave the book to my 21 year-old daughter for her opinion. “This book is like sitting down with a good friend who knows more about boys and dating that you do,” she told me. “If I had this book in middle school, I would have avoided some of the mistakes I made. It’s good.”

However, she cautioned that mothers should not be heavy-handed in passing along this advice book to their daughters. “Your daughter will be mortified!” she said. “There’s nothing worse than having your mother think you know nothing about boys. Even if you don’t.” She reminded me of the tactic I once used when she was younger, leaving a book about puberty where I was sure she would find it without actually giving it to her. “Just leave the book on the kitchen counter,” she said as her advice to mothers. “Believe me, your daughter will snatch it up.”

Rest assured that your daughter will be in good hands with Burningham. She has a skillful way of talking to preteen and teen girls without talking down to them. Her voice is both authoritative and reassuring. And the illustrations, by Keri Smith, are delightful.

Burningham doesn’t shy away from dealing with some of the stickier situations a young girl may encounter. In a section titled, “When No Doesn’t Work,” she lays out how to set boundaries and to remember that rape happens to teens. “Most teens who are raped or sexually assaulted are victimized by someone they know,” she writes. And she cautions: “Do everything you can to keep yourself from getting into a precarious situation.” Certainly this section offers the perfect opportunity for a mom to open up a dialogue with a daughter.

Throughout the book, Burningham has “Extra Credit” items, things a girl can do to keep herself prepared and safe. For example, have a local taxi service’s number in your cell phone for easy access. Text it to friends, too.

Don’t think that the book only dwells on the negative. As we often told parents, an adolescent’s life is filled with many firsts: first kiss, first dance, first date, first crush. These are exciting moments in your daughter’s life and deserve to be treated with affection and respect. Burningham spotlights these moments and gives them the attention they deserve. And she is great with bringing dating into present time, talking about how technology has changed the way young people relate and date. You are certain to learn something perusing these sections yourself.

In fact, take time to read the book before passing it along to your daughter. Be honest. It’s been a long time since you were a teenage girl with crushes and daydreams about that special boy. Burningham’s book will help you reminisce so that you can put yourself in the proper frame of mind to relate to your daughter’s feelings. You may want to take the opportunity to share some of your own stories with her. Unrequited love is still painful and breaking up is still hard to do. The background music may have changed, but the lyrics remain the same. With Burningham’s wise book, you and your daughter will be in perfect harmony.

Charlene Giannetti, editor of Woman Around Town, is the co-author with Margaret Sagarese of Boy Crazy! Keeping Your Daughter’s Feet on the Ground When Her Head Is in the Clouds. http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Crazy-Keeping-Daughters-Ground/dp/0767919769/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243817608&sr=1-3

Sarah O’Leary Burningham’s website is www.sarahburningham.com