How does a parent prevent a child from trying alcohol and drugs? It’s tough in an environment where peer pressure and cultural influences seem overwhelming. Yet there are things that parents and caregivers can do to help reduce a child’s vulnerability, according to Jeanette Friedman, a therapist and consultant specializing in addiction and substance abuse education.
Friedman recently spoke at a seminar sponsored by NYC-Parents in Action, a nonprofit group that helps New York City independent school parents guide children from the early years into responsible young adulthood, with the aim of preventing teenage substance abuse. In her talk, “Paying Attention: Personality, Privilege, and Parenting for Prevention”, she stressed the importance of parents and caregivers being in tune with a child’s personality from the beginning, as temperament and behavior in early childhood may indicate potential vulnerability to substance issues. “If we identify kids who may be at risk early, parents can work with them to lower the risk factors,” she said.
Friedman said that several factors protect children from susceptibility to substance use: an easy temperament, intelligence, positive educational experiences, social support, and a secure attachment to a parent or caregiver who reflects and empathizes with his feelings. Children at greater risk for substance use issues are those who suffer from depression, anxiety or an untreated learning issue (such as ADD), and those who are impulsive or who do not follow rules or respect authority. Children who are attracted to risky behaviors, or thrill-seeking, may also be more vulnerable.
“An underlying emotional issue, like anxiety or depression, can set a child on the path of experimenting with substances in an attempt to feel better, i.e. to self-medicate,” says Friedman (photo, left). “Parents who see that a child is struggling emotionally, or who notice signs of learning issues, should seek help. Parents who suspect learning differences should have the child tested, diagnosed and treated by a specialist. The treatment may or may not involve medication—there are many ways to treat learning differences—but supporting the child and being consistent are key. Even a child who has several risk factors for addiction can avoid danger if his environment is protective.”
Children entering the teen years are embarking on the second and final phase of “individuation.” In the first phase, at around 18 months of age, toddlers move away from their mothers, frequently checking back to be sure that the parent is still there. Teenagers again move into greater independence, developing confidence as individuals. These days teenagers, too, may check frequently with parents; cell phones give both teens and parents reassurance. “This is the important time to connect with kids, communicate with them, understand them,” said Friedman. “When a parent understands the challenges of this age, children benefit; being understood boosts self-esteem.”
Parents should communicate how they feel about substance experimentation. “It is important for parents to have confidence in their ability as parents, and the strength to give guidance when it is needed,” Friedman suggested. The most compelling reason for parents to take a stand on substance use may be this conclusion, from a study by CASA (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University): based on everything we know, a young man or woman who gets to age twenty-one without smoking, abusing alcohol or using illegal drugs is virtually certain never to do so. Recent medical research provides another reason to work with teenagers on prevention: the pre-frontal cortex of the brain isn’t fully developed until age 25, so teenagers are more vulnerable to the damaging effects of substance use.
Friedman clarified some misconceptions. “The theory of ‘gateway drugs’ may be debated, but evidence suggests that serious drug use begins with early use of cigarettes, alcohol or marijuana– the ‘gateway drugs.’ Heroin addicts don’t start with heroin.” Teenagers may rationalize that they will drink but would “never do drugs,” when in fact any experimentation may lead to stronger substances. The trajectory of teenagers moving into danger with substance use is simple: they go from no use, to experimental use, to regular use, to abuse, and finally dependence. “I advise parents who find children even smoking cigarettes to have them evaluated. If parents knew how difficult it is to intervene once a child is dependent, they would go to more trouble to prevent experimentation.”
“Tolerance of experimentation as ‘normal’ by the community is a problem,” Friedman said. “In fact, half of high school students do not experiment with substances.” The challenge is for parents to encourage children to align with friends who do not choose to drink or smoke marijuana, and to find activities that keep social teens happy without partying and risk-taking. “Privilege comes into the picture when we consider that money allows access to alcohol or drugs,” said Friedman. “The saying goes, ‘The better the neighborhood, the better the drugs.’ Drug dealers who sell marijuana also sell many other drugs, which kids don’t realize at first.”
While emphasizing that parents can be proactive in helping children avoid substance use, Friedman expressed empathy for families dealing with the full-blown problem. “Working with families in crisis, I see parents suffer when their children have emotional and behavioral problems connected with substance use,” she said. “There is shame attached to this issue— parents need support rather than judgment.”
NYC-Parents in Action can be a vital resource all through the parenting process. The group believes that when parents are informed about issues, and are able to communicate effectively with their children and other parents, they can help teenagers cope with social pressures and make sounds choices. NYC-PIA offers speakers and publications on a wide variety of topics, and also sponsors ParentTalks, facilitated discussion groups that help parents build community and connection, in 44 independent schools.
At the NYC-Parents in Action Web site (www.parentsinaction.org) you can register to receive information on future events and a timely newsletter. On June 2, 2010 the group will present an exciting seminar, a conversation between noted psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz and actor Orlando Bloom on the subject of living with dyslexia. In the 2010-2011 school year, the NYC-PIA calendar will include a talk by noted pediatrician Perri Klass; a panel on the social world of the internet; a “Fathers Only” discussion with pediatricians Ralph Lopez and George Lazarus; and the signature event “Teen Scene,” a panel of teenagers who speak about their lives. NYC-PIA not only advises parents to “Be Involved, Be Informed, Be Connected,” but also gives them needed support to guide their children in challenging and changing times. Become a Parent in Action.
