You meet a good-looking guy in a bar and the conversation flows like wine. He’s funny, articulate, a good listener, and well read. He might be a keeper, you think. Then you ask him, “Where did you go to college?” Turns out, he didn’t. Or perhaps he did, but went to some fourth-tier school somewhere in the Midwest. Suddenly he’s not as handsome or charming and you can’t wait to extricate yourself.

If you’ve been there, done that—you are a diploma dater. Some people might go so far as to call you a snob. You believe you just have standards. You want a guy who went to a prestigious college and a top-notch graduate school would be icing on the cake. Is that so bad?

Well, don’t beat yourself up. You are part of a growing population of young singles who choose to associate with people like themselves. While many young people are attracted to New York City because of the diversity, when it comes to finding a mate, there’s safety in the tried and true—a sheepskin from an elite school. And there is now a dating forum that makes meeting the right Mr. Right easier. The Ivy Plus Society, launched in Southern California, now has chapters in San Francisco, New York, and Washington D.C. The group interprets “Ivy” loosely, also including graduates from other top tier schools like Stanford, M.I.T., Duke and West Point. Although the mixers are billed as networking opportunities, because most of those attending are single, the evenings are more often social events.

I spoke with Tristan Coopersmith, author of the new dating book, Menu Dating: Taste Test Your Way To The Main Course, to get her thoughts on diploma dating and forums such as the Ivy Plus Society.

“Inevitably, we become less social as we become professionals,” she said. “Any and every opportunity that makes it easier for people to meet is really a positive thing. That being said, New York City is the ultimate dating playground and one of the most diverse cities in the world. Take advantage of New York’s diversity. Try meeting new people while you pass the time in line running errands, or at local coffee shops, or if you want to join a group setting that will guarantee meeting someone with a like-minded interest try taking a class or joining a club (yoga, museum, etc).”

At a basic level, social networks—Ivy Plus Society included—encourage us to mix and mingle. Automatic common ground is often viewed as a prerequisite for success in a relationship. And in all practicality, it makes sense to lay it all out on the table from the start. Besides the obvious physical features, people have lots of fixed requirements regarding who they would like to meet. Christmas tree or menorah? Employed with benefits? Earnings above $X million a year? Family history of heart disease? A resume or filter, such as Ivy Plus Society, could identify right away who does and doesn’t fit your bill. However, Coopersmith suggests that often, we think we want a certain resume, but what we say we want isn’t necessarily what we want or would be happy with. That’s the real danger in diploma dating; or 401K dating, medical transcript dating, or anything else for that matter.

While Coopersmith doesn’t dismiss the idea of using social forums such as the Ivy Plus Society to meet people, she recommends using it as merely one criterion in assessing the compatibility with a future mate. She suggests being open to and exposing yourself to different types of people. Here are some of her recommendations:

Reserve Resumes and Business Cards for Career Fairs

When Harrison Ford first meets Melanie Griffith in the classic film, Working Girl, he tells her: “No. No names. No business cards. No `You must know so and so.’ No resumes. Let’s just meet like human beings…for once.” If Ford’s character, Jack Trainer, had known from the beginning that Griffith’s character, Tess McGill, was a secretary without a college education, would he have stuck around? Maybe not. And as the story unfolds, they do have chemistry and a lot in common.

There’s plenty of time to find out where he went to school. Leave your resume and business cards at home and encourage others to do the same. If he leads with a thick card stock, what he’s really saying is “I can’t function or think outside of the office” – that’s unfortunate because we all know the most interesting things go on in the bedroom. Instead, explore areas such as occupation, religion, and education as you two continue to date. Follow Ford’s lead and take it slow.

Cast a Wide Social Net

As Coopersmith pointed out, there’s nothing wrong with using social networking events, the Ivy Plus Society included, as a way to meet people. But even at these get-togethers, try to move beyond the superficial. Having a degree from a name school isn’t a guarantee for success at work or in life. The recent deluge on Wall Street brought that lesson home.

For many young singles, work sops all the available time. While match.com, Jdate and eHarmony can be useful in short circuiting the screening process, attending a mixer when you get to see people face to face is still the best way to meet someone. Don’t limit yourself to those mixers where you will only meet people like yourself. Take advantage of every opportunity to widen your social circle. You never know who might be waiting at that next gathering.

Be An Equal Opportunity Dater

“Be an equal opportunity dater, for better or for worse,” said Tristan. “Don’t jump to the conclusion if he is an ivy leaguer that he will come with guarantees like a six-figure job (he may have just been pink slipped!) And don’t assume that someone with those `promised’ attributes is even what you want. If all you ever date are Wall Streeters, how would you even know that you don’t want to date a philanthropist or a musician? It is only by taste testing a variety that you come to learn what satiates you.”

Judging someone by where they went to school, work, live, etc., is short sighted. “You don’t want someone to stereotype you because of where you grew up, what you look like or where you went to school,” she said. “You want the person to take the time to get to know the full-color version of you. You should do the same with others.”

Be Proactive In Your Dating Life

There is no perfect way or right way to “find someone.” It is not and cannot be a planned event. It takes stamina, willpower, a positive attitude, and an awful lot of good luck. Given how difficult it can be to meet the “one,” when a miracle like this does occur, whether through Jdate, Ivy League Plus, Facebook, or a random drunken evening at a bar, the way in which you met no longer matters. It is destiny, a mitzvah, being at the right place at the right time, a result of your persistence; it’s not the chain letter that promised you good things would happen if you passed it along.

The bottom line is that this whole mess of finding the “one” is a complete and utter random numbers game. Stack the cards in your favor—even if it’s with an elite ivy league dating forum and you’re making some sort of progress. That being said, don’t limit yourself to a small sample size. Leave your name tag at home. Reserve your business cards for the next career fair. Don’t judge someone by his resume and don’t allow someone to judge you based on yours. While the idea of having access to someone’s resume could be a huge help in finding the man of your dreams, it does have one major drawback: some people lie on their resumes.

To purchase Tristan Coopersmith’s book, go to http://www.amazon.com/Menu-Dating-Taste-Test-Your-Course/dp/0312354177/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256070216&sr=8-1

For more information on the Ivy Plus Society, go to the website, http://www.ivyplussociety.org/362dir/