Facing Off on Facebook –
Nuggets from a Mom with no Filter

Whether processed or organic, we’ve all served up nuggets at one time or another. Just ask Becky and she’ll give you quick, honest, humorous nuggets of advice (did we say honest?) that are easily digestible – even for the busiest of moms.

Dear Becky,

After a lot of pressure from friends, I finally joined Facebook. The problem is, I’m baffled by it. Some of the postings seem silly while others seem kind of extreme. On top of that, I find that looking at the site makes me feel down. It seems like everyone else is having fun while I’m sitting there reading about it. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Sincerely,
Jackie M.

Dear Jackie,

Oh. My. God.

Thank you, Jackie. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for saying what thousands of people think every day.

You’re brave. You are to Facebook what Leah Remini was to Scientology. Thank you for representing all of us Facebook minions.

I, too, thought I was happy until I met Facebook.

When we first met, I was naïve. A Facebook virgin. I needed to be taught. I was insecure. Was I too old? Would Facebook ‘like’ me? Worse, would Facebook ‘dislike’ me?

I logged on. Facebook wanted to know everything about me. How flattering, I thought. Was I married? Where did I go to school? What was my favorite movie? Sports team? Band?

Facebook wanted a picture. Ugh. I made a decision to let the faceless silhouette with the decidedly feminine hair flip represent me. She didn’t have wrinkles. She didn’t have the onset of adult acne. She didn’t have problems. She didn’t have…eyes.

Facebook wanted me to commit immediately. I panicked.

Our relationship started out pleasantly enough. Facebook opened up my world. It showed me new things. A picture of a friend’s child. An inspirational poem. It ‘liked’ an article I wrote. Gee, Facebook. This is nice.

Facebook introduced me to new friends and reunited me with old friends. In fact, Facebook introduced me to friends I still haven’t met. One evening, I sat down and got to know some of them.

First there was Carla. Like Jennifer Aniston, Carla is mostly on vacation. She’s been to the most beautiful places in the world. Everything she posts is thin, tan and costs money. It’s great that she posts these pictures, as she knows I’ll never get to Turks and Caicos or wear a bikini. Thanks, Carla.

Though he always ignores me at birthday parties, Carla’s husband, Tom, is also a ‘friend’ of mine. Oh, look – he’s posted a comment. It’s their anniversary. And an announcement: He’s the luckiest man in the world. I’m so happy that they made it to their sixth year after all of those terrible fights. I wonder if Carla saw this before I did. I wonder if Carla has logged on for love. I wonder if Tom is, in fact, the luckiest man in the world.

Janice. Good ole Janice. What’s it been, twenty-five years? Oh, how funny. There’s her dog with a hat on. What’s that? Her son’s school project. Cookies in the shape of the solar system. She must be a great mom. A better mom than me. I just don’t have time to do that. Why do I not have time to do that?

Looks like Sharon wants me to save the whales. I feel like that’s a lot to ask after I helped her to eradicate world hunger last week. Not to mention walking that 5K for people with cuticle anemia. Still, she’s a better person than I. I’ll sign that petition right after I finish this load of laundry.

Oh, look. It’s Janice again. She’s having meatloaf tonight. And a cocktail.

Oh, look – all of my besties. My closest pals. Together. Out to dinner…without me.

Facebook was starting to hurt my feelings.

That’s when things started to change. Facebook started saying things like, “Look at these twenty-five selfies of me taken from above. Look at how many friends I have. Look at the award I just won. My life is happier than yours. I’m inviting you to ‘like’ me.”

Facebook got full of itself.

Facebook grew needy. Facebook over shared. Facebook got too political. I decided that this relationship was taking up too much of my precious ‘mommy down time’. I have kids, I told Facebook. I can’t get sucked into this any longer.

I checked my status. Though I pushed its buttons, Facebook refused to take down the year I was born. Facebook sent out a ‘life event’ that I had gotten divorced and remarried. When confronted about it, Facebook said it was sent ‘accidentally’. Facebook said that not only do I not have a job, I also don’t work. Screw you, Facebook.

Between this disagreement and the posting of a very unflattering photo of me, I broke up with Facebook. I felt peaceful. I went to bed earlier. I wasn’t responsible to know about birthdays, anniversaries, life events. I didn’t feel responsible for the extinction of Bengal Tigers or to join the Tea Party. I just stayed in the moment. And the moment was nice.

So, back to your question. Why do you feel so badly and what can you do about it?

It’s a new world.
Social media has turned us into the Steven Speilberg of happy moments. When something nice is happening, instead of letting it seep into our emotional memory, we frame it with our hands and say: “Wait! This would be a great Facebook posting!”

Don’t feel bad.
People post their best selves. Of course. That makes sense. But people also post who they want to be seen to be. Don’t let this make you feel bad. They’re just sharing their highlights. And though you may not choose to post them, you have yours too.

Ugh!
Maybe Facebook is right – maybe you aren’t happy enough with your own life. Feeling envious is normal. Feeling jealous is, well, yucky. If you’re bothered that the Smiths are on vacation again – maybe it’s time to book a trip.

Try being anonymous.
Cancel your Facebook account and re-sign up under an anonymous name. Then let your close friends know who you are so that your ex from junior high doesn’t ask you to ‘like’ him again.

Alternatively – you could detox.
I have officially stopped watching the news. All it did was make me feel bad. Cancel your Facebook account and stay off of the computer for a while. See if you feel better not being exposed to so much ‘news’.

Okay, I’ll admit it. Recently, I reunited with Facebook. Because the truth is, Facebook can be fun. And it does have its perks. It gives creative people an audience to share their work. It gives businesses a boost. It gives families a way to connect and distant friends a way to stay in each other’s daily lives. And it gives, say…um…a writer a place where people can share her articles.

Becky Langton is a professional comedian and actress, appearing in several feature films and commercials and performing stand-up comedy in New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and London. She is the proud mom of three children who she says are the “greatest and most inspirational productions” she could have ever hoped for. Have a question for Becky? Email her at Becky@BeckyLaughs.com

About Becky Langton (30 Articles)
Becky Langton is a professional comedian and actress for over 15 years. She began her entertainment career working at the prestigious Creative Artists Agency. Knowing her true calling to be on the performance side of the business, she trained with The Groundlings in Los Angeles and with the Upright Citizen’s Brigade in New York. Becky has performed stand-up comedy in New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and London. As well as spreading laughter first hand, she went on to teach stand-up at The American Comedy Institute, William Paterson University and The South Orange /Maplewood Adult School. When she is not performing in the city, Becky is currently instructing a stand-up comedy course for children in the New York and New Jersey areas. She is the proud mom of three children who she says are the “greatest and most inspirational productions” she could have ever hoped for.