Sunday over brunch, Mona, Erika and I were talking about relationships. Each of us is in a different place as far as the dating world goes, yet each of us is still hopeful about the prospect of a happily ever after just around the corner.
I’m on the quest for the Holy Grail (an intelligent, cosmopolitan, gainfully employed, non handicapped 30+ dude w/no babies, 5’10” or taller, and capable of giving multiple orgasms. I say it a lot. I believe in the power of THE SECRET. I’m gonna speak that man into existence! I’m allowed to discriminate and profile my potential boos. Y’all young girls can have all that equal opportunity foolishness.)
Erika has similar criteria/rules for the men she courts/beds, but those standards are more of a skeleton. In the interim, she is devouring any man she can get her hands on and spitting him out (literally, sometimes on their stomachs) before she gets bored. Mona, moved in with her beau in May. Now that she’s cohabbing, Mona’s requirements are a little more basic. She wants him to do simple things.
Pick up his socks.
Put the seat back down.
Unload the dishwasher.
Call if he’s running late.
Basically, she wants him to be considerate. Being considerate of another person is not something you can’t teach a mate because it stems from the id. It’s one of those things that folks either have, or they don’t. Putting the self first is important to do but there must also be some give & take if there is going to be some longevity in a romance.
I know he used to do nice stuff for you, but what has he done for you late-ly?
A while back I was dating a dude. Things fell apart because there was an inherent lack of consideration on his part. Initially, I made excuses for it. I compromised what I wanted because he wasn’t an awful person, but he was thoughtless about so many things that it was hard not to label him selfish. It was fun while it lasted, but been there done that, *cough* cough* 1st husband* cough*cough, not looking to do that again. I wish him well, I just wish him that with someone other than me.
“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” Janis Joplin
Compromise is needed in relationships, but there’s a tremendous difference in compromising for the sake of the greater good of the relationship and sacrificing what you truly need (in essence becoming a lap dog) for the sake of what someone else wants. That can’t work for longterm. #weoffthat
After chatting w/Mona, I realize I need my criteria to include more than a decent resume and clean bill of health. I need someone who is also considerate and thoughtful beyond my carnal needs.
There’s this awesome scene at the end of I Like It Like That (one of my ALL TIME FAVES) where Lisette tells her husband Chino in the heat of an argument post infidelity/separation/living awkwardly in the same house that her greatest gripe with him is that he never thinks about the other person.
Just think of how much better so many relationships would be if we each just stopped to think about the other person. Thinking about how your actions and movements through the world may impact someone else, particularly how they may impact someone you have intimate feelings for or love is the way that grown ups are supposed to function, but so rarely do.
How many relationships could be saved if infidels thought about how their actions would impact the other party before they acted? Thinking before you act or move in this world seems easy enough, but how many of us are really prepared to start doing it?