May is National Foster Care Month, shining a light on the more than 400,000 children and youth around the country who are in foster care. Gabriella Perez, now 21, was placed in foster care when she was 14. Gabriella was one of twenty youth selected for the Awards for Youth in Foster Care, sponsored by Represent Magazine, based on her two essays (reproduced below). She, along with her co-winners, will be honored at an event in June.
Essay 1: New boundaries: Describe a time when you had to set new boundaries with someone. How and why did you decide to do that? What did you do? Did it work? What did you learn? Be specific.
I always thought she was my best friend. A role model I can look up to. Sometimes things don’t work out like you want them to. I got placed into foster care when I was fifteen years old. My mother was addicted to certain drugs that left her incapable of raising me. I never thought I would be a foster child. Growing up I always thought that this was the life chosen for me and I just had to deal with it.
Even though when I left home I always found myself back at my mother’s house. She messed up plenty of times before, getting out of character when she would use drugs. Before my mother started using drugs, she was a much different person. She used to be so happy to take me outside to go food shopping with her and to simply walk around outside and enjoy the weather. I also remember a time in elementary school when I used to have class birthday parties, my mom used to bake cupcakes and Rice Krispy treats for everyone in my class. All my friends used to think my mom’s desserts were so good and that my mom was really nice and cool for doing that. I wish she could have stood that way. I told myself I have to stop thinking my mother will change because in my heart I knew that she wouldn’t be the way she used to be when I was little. Drugs change people, and it’s never for the better.
Every girl needs a mom to tell secrets to. Imagine growing up feeling all alone and not having that motherly bond as a young teenager. Starting high school, and not having a mother to talk about sex or peer pressure with, or a mother with a shoulder to cry on when a boy breaks your heart. Imagine never having a mother like that? Because I didn’t. The worst part about it was that she was actually my mom. I had to set certain boundaries with her. I knew my mom wasn’t the same anymore when we were in court and she signed over her rights as a parent. I knew from that moment her addiction won. My life, my feelings didn’t matter anymore to her. I was no longer “her child,” rather just “some child” now. I was heartbroken and scared all at once. When I first entered the foster care system, I thought that maybe she would come back for me, but months went by, and from that moment on I learned to accept the fact that I didn’t have a mother anymore. She never noticed any improvements or achievements I’ve made in my life and it hurts knowing that friends know me better than my own mother. In order to better myself and my future I know I have to keep my mother out my life. That’s a negative influence I don’t need around me.
It hurts knowing I can’t pick up the phone and tell my own mother how my day was or just a simple “I love you.” I wanted what every girl had growing up as a teenager, a mother they can call a best friend. I know now that will never happen for me. I realize it’s not my fault, I didn’t exclude her from my life but she excused herself from mine. In time my mother will see all that I have achieved and it’s ok if she never tells me she loves me and I deal with the fact that I can’t pick up the phone and say “hello” to my own mother. I have to let myself move forward and remember that my mother will always be my mom.
Many young women my age have learned how to be who they are from their mothers. I have learned how not to be like my mom. My mother made me strong, she made me a fighter. She’s done more for me then she will ever know. She made me who I am. My mother is the opposite of my role model. She taught me to be everything she’s not, and I’m forever grateful for that.
Essay 2: Helping others: Describe a time when you did something that you felt made a positive impact on someone else. Why was it important to the person you helped? To you?
I grew up never having a role model, so being a role model for my little sister was very important to me. My sisters and I had to look after one another because we didn’t have normal parents to be there for us. High school was really hard for me because I wasn’t getting homework done. The problems I was facing emotionally made it extremely hard for me to concentrate and get my class work done. I ended up giving up my dream of graduating high school to earning my G.E.D. Even though with all these challenges I was going through I still needed to be strong for my little sister. I wanted her to have a role model she can look up to.
My younger sister Sarah was going through her senior year and things were getting extremely hard for her. Since I already moved out and was residing in a foster home it was much harder to remain close with her and be there for her when she needed me. I wasn’t in the best living conditions. A lot of my belongings were getting stolen and things that I cherished most were taken from me. I had so much personal stuff I was dealing with at once that being there for my little sister help me gain some control in my life. As I sat down with my little sister, I explained to her how graduating was important and that prom would be an experience she will always remember. I told her going to college will take you places in life. College will later earn you good money and you can live happily with no worries. Sarah told me that she was grateful to have an older sister like me in her life because she thought that when I got removed from my mom’s house that I wasn’t going to be around often. She thought I would change and move on and forget about her. I explained to her I would never put my life challenges in front of our friendship and our bond as sisters, because I realized how important it is to have a positive role model in one’s life.
I went with my sister to look at colleges, so we can have that support and help from one another. I enjoyed this experience with my sister because it gave us a chance at seeing what things will be like out side our home environment. Even though I didn’t graduate from high school and most people will think I took the easy way out. I have a reason for doing what I did and when I fell down I got right back up. I don’t want my sister falling the way I did. I want her to know that unlike me who didn’t have someone I will always be here to catch her. Prom night was finally here and I remember helping my sister get ready. Waiting patiently as she put on her dress and shoes, I was so proud of her. I helped her fix her hair and make up and it was a night I will never forget because my sister was close to giving up the way I did. Graduating from high school was my dream that I didn’t complete but I helped my little sister achieve. On the day of her graduation Sarah told me she couldn’t have done it without me. Even though we didn’t have a mother to look up to i’m proud to say my little sister looks up to me. With all my flaws and weaknesses to some people’s opinion, I’m not a role model. To my little sister, a high school graduate and soon to be freshman in college, I helped her get there. I’m a role model to her and no one can tell me other wise.
Coming from a hard background me and my sister had to deal with, I always tried to never let her see me at my most weak point. Even though I didn’t get to achieve much yet myself, I always pushed my little sister to do her best. Me helping her makes me feel special and her telling me she’s grateful to have someone like me is all the encouragement I need to be strong and move forward in my life. I feel accomplished already knowing that my little sister will be soon attending college and I will still be here when she needs help in her home work, or class work or any other matter in her life. I told her I will never break our bond as sisters and I will always continue to be her role model and knowing that I pushed her to do her best in life, makes me realize I can accomplish anything.
Gabriella Perez is a thoughtful, beautiful, friendly, and smart 21-year-old woman. She was also, until her 21st birthday, a foster kid. Gabriella grew up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan with four sisters (one with a developmental delay) and two brothers, and was put into care around age 14 on what caseworkers call a neglect petition. Due to her troubled home life (and a foster home she described as a “nightmare”), she dropped out of high school. After being placed in a different foster home, Gabriella knew that she had to get her GED; she wanted to be an example for her younger sister, Sarah, and go on to college (“Without college, I won’t amount to anything.”) Despite all that she’s been through, Gabriella has a positive outlook: “If I survived foster care, I can survive anything. All the things I overcame I don’t think I would have been able to overcome. Where would I go in life without a positive attitude?” Recently, Gabriella was accepted to a local college. As for her ultimate life goal of becoming an ASPCA animal cop? “It’s all up to me.”
Photos of Gabriella by Theresa Giannetti
