Ok, perhaps he died. Or maybe he went on an unexpected vacation. It’s possible he might have only wanted sex. Then again, maybe he’s gay. Or he got carpal tunnel from all of our flirtexting. It might be that his computer, blackberry and legs broke. Or he can’t afford his internet service anymore. He definitely just got scared. Yeah, that’s got to be it.
At first, it was all…”You’re so adorable! I mean, how can a girl be so freakin adorable?” He nonstop kissed you. He held your hand at dinner. He wanted to go away for the weekend. Later, he leaves your apartment after brunch. An hour goes by and you don’t get your usual cute text from him. Then another hour goes by. You check to make sure you’re phone is accepting incoming calls. And it is. It’s charged and the ringer is on loud AND vibrate. You decide to have some Ben & Jerry’s cookie-dough ice cream to distract yourself. And before you know it, four days have gone by. All the ice cream in your fridge is gone and your friends are about to ex-communicate you from their life because you keep updating them on the fact that he STILL (ugh…) hasn’t called. Yep, it finally sinks in. Yep, it’s definitely over. Damnit.
.
Does this sound far too familiar? Have you ever gone from fireworks to burned within an instant? Why is it that some guys fall for you as quickly as they leave you? What early warning signs can you look for?
You can usually spot early warning signs and flags of all different colors and figure out if he’s gonna be flaky or insincere. I bet, with at least one relationship that ended badly, there was at least one sign or flag that each of you has overlooked. Heck, it’s not an exact science, but here are a few serious flags that should convince you to bounce before he does.
The Warning Signs
1. He Gets Too Serious Too Fast
When a guy gets too serious too quickly, that should definitely raise a flag. It’s almost always an indicator of something strange going on. At least it has always been that way in my life and with many other friends I’ve spoken to. The same guy who asks you to spend the weekend with him after the second date is almost guaranteed to fall off the face of the planet before you ever reach the twenty-second.
2. He Talks About The Future Early On
You should be skeptical of guys that make premature promises of romance and the future. Basically, if it comes so soon, it’s probably fake and not genuine. When a guy alludes early on to things WAY down the line – falling in love, how he’ll propose, names for your children – it usually is just talk. He just likes to hear himself speak and will likely drop you faster than you can tweet about it to your friends.
3. He Always Has An Answer
He doesn’t always tell you where he’s going. And when he does, he ends up somewhere else with someone else entirely. But he always has an answer. His phone died. His
phone broke. He crashed on his buddy Matt’s couch. He was underground and didn’t have service. He got caught up at work. Here’s YOUR answer. He’s no good. You’re good to move on.
4. He Seems To Have Some Insecurity
Insecure guys just like attention and want women to love them. Truly insecure guys don’t always think before they speak about what it might mean to the other person. They live in the moment, crave adoration. attention, love and acceptance. And they will get it wherever they can. If this is the case, he is likely reading from the same script with many other women. If you’re lucky, you’ll realize he’s a bad actor and move on before Act II.
5. He Doesn’t Want A Relationship (But It Feels Like You’re In One)
When guys don’t want a relationship and begin to realize they’re committing themselves, they take the easy way out-they disappear. Maybe you two really do have an intense connection but he reflects on it and gets scared. He’s not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. What he knows (rather conveniently and optimistically) is that you’ll be fine because a worthier man will snatch you up soon enough. Thank him for his vote of confidence, accept that timing can be a b*tch, and go find a man that can give you what you need.
6. He Talks About His Ex Extremely Too Often
When a guy talks often about his ex this is an indication that he is still attached to and hung up on the ex. It is unlikely that your date will be able to really connect with you and be 100% emotionally available. He will likely leave you high and dry without hesitation because he’ll never really be able to develop an emotional connection with you. Disconnect immediately.
7. He Makes Your Gut Feel Bad
Ladies, this is one problem that Spanx just won’t solve. We’ve all been out with a sexy new someone only to have him do or say something that made our stomach lurch – and not in a I-wanna-pounce-on-you-right-here-right-now kinda way. Maybe he was rude to the waitstaff. Perhaps he hopped in the first cab instead of giving it to you. Then again, maybe it was nothing you could articulate or put your finger on. Don’t ignore it. When our gut doesn’t feel right, there’s almost always a valid reason. And good intuition and judgment comes from experience. Take what you will from the experience and pat yourself on the back for picking up on the bad vibes sooner rather than later.
Ok, so what should you do when you detect these early warning signs? Alright, here’s the thing. When a guy shows you early warning signs, you have two options:
One. You can throw all of your energy into trying to make it work. After all, you have the memories of how great things ONCE were. Maybe somehow, some way, you can turn it all back around. Maybe you can accept his apologies and his excuses and try to get back to where you were.
Two. You can jump for freakin joy. Run through the streets singing! Shout “hallelujah!” Thank your lucky stars! Because the man you thought you knew finally decided to drop the act and show you his true colors. You can get out of this bad situation NOW and get on with your life.
Well, if it was me, I’d definitely go with option two. But, here’s the other thing. Often in life, we see the flags, the flashing red lights, and the thick yellow tape. But we proceed despite it all, praying that he will prove us wrong, praying we will be the exception, believing that we can and will be the one to change him. We see what we hope for and not what it is. Sometimes we want so badly for things to work out that we allow our longings to blur all the glaring red stop signs. We often develop a strange and temporary color blindness when we really like someone. But sometimes we need to cover our eyes and go with it in order to move on, to know we tried as hard as we could, to make sure we were right about him so we can eliminate regrets and what-ifs.
At the end of the day, we live and we learn. We rejoice in the months of courting, the romantic dinners, the long phone calls in bed, the passionate kisses – and we mourn when it all ends. And when that happens, we feel we have to be so guarded with our hearts the next time around but we also simultaneously fear we may miss out on a wonderful person if they do ever happen our way. It’s a confusing world out there. And I don’t know why it just can’t be easy. Maybe we meet so many of the wrong people so that we’ll really appreciate the right person when he finally comes into our life. But until that happens, I guess you can always go back to pretending he’s dead.
Has this ever happened to you? And did you ever figure out why? Did you see the warning signs? Guys, have you ever done this? I want to hear from you all, ladies and gentleman!
