On Monday, December 6, the New York Jets will meet the New England Patriots in what is being billed as a critical matchup that may foreshadow the playoffs and the Super Bowl. Fans would expect that sports writers would be busy analyzing how the two quarterbacks—the Jets’ Mark Sanchez and the Pat’s Tom Brady—compare on the field. Instead, these experts are splitting hairs—literally—speculating on whether Brady is losing it (not his athletic talents, but his hair), and whether Sanchez has the edge with his abundant curly, black top. From that starting point, the debate has detoured into who’s sexier: Sanchez, because even though his hair is short, he has a lot, or Brady, who has taken to growing his locks and is looking a bit shaggy.
This whole controversy began when Brady was spotted going into the office of a doctor who specializes in hair transplants. The rumor mill kicked in, saying that Brady’s wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, is prodding her quarterback to add to his onfield advantage with hair plugs. That Brady has been wearing his hair very long has added fuel to the fire. Are we witnessing a Trump-like comb over?
So we decided to take a poll. We asked many of our writers, friends, relatives—both male and female—who is on the cutting edge when it comes to hair. Do women prefer lots of hair (on the head, we mean—not going to deal with body hair here), or is a receding hairline, a bald pate, or a buzz cut still a turn on?
We were, not surprisingly, inundated with comments. We combed through all of them, parted out the best, and are teasing you with the best of the best. (OK, enough puns).
Samson it is. Does hair equal power? In the dating game, some of our Delliahs say yes. They like their men with flowing locks. “Having a full head of hair and having your hair line not receding is sexy,” one woman tells us. “It’s virile and it shows youth and testosterone.” Another adds: “My ideal guy will have thick, dark hair (not too long, where it’s down to your shoulders) but long enough to run your hands through it.” A third chips in: “I love men with hair (but clean and dry, as opposed to the `wet look’ sported by my former husband when he bothered to wash his).”
Troy Polamalu, a safety with the Pittsburgh Steelers and a modern day Samson, was cited for his abundant locks. “He actually has his hair insured for 1million dollars!” one woman told us. And he brings in extra bucks doing ads for Head and Shoulders Shampoo.
But listen up! Men who are follicle challenged are not down and out. “A full head of hair, while nice to touch and grab at, is not as sexy as a buzz cut,” we were told. Military men, in particular, were singled out as super sexy. And this from someone else: “Great hair is sexy, but brains are way more important. My human significant other is bald and smart.”
Many of the women we heard from feel men obsess more about hair loss than the women they are with. “I’ve dated several men that are beginning to go bald (perhaps a bit prematurely) and it has always been a bigger issue for them than it has been for me,” one woman said. “Sure, a good head of hair is definitely attractive, but I have no problem dating guys who have less than that. I think it all depends on how confident your man is.”
What women dislike? Men who dye their hair. “Yes, it’s a double standard, since we ladies have highlighted or dyed ours for years, but only because we’ve been led to believe ‘gray hair makes us seem older than we are’. (I’m showing my age—that was an ad in the 60s that purported to explain why the woman’s husband found her uninteresting…) Case in point: I think George Bush’s gray hair is sexy (but I’m a Republican…)”
Other turn offs? “The worst are the Jersey Shore haircuts — they have more product in their hair than any girl I know! I also think the Bieber haircut is a little ridiculous… My favorite celeb hair — Conan! He totally embraces his huge red hair, and it’s hilarious.”
The Trump comb-over also got a thumbs down. “The Donald Trump comb over is the wrong answer because it is still obvious that they are balding.” Another added: “The receding hairline thing just isn’t attractive. I like the guys who realize this and just shave it all off—to me, bald is better than only half a head of hair.”
We heard from the guys, too. “I think a relationship based on hair is so 1970′s. A relationship should be based on what’s under the scalp other than the flowing locks. I wear a buzz cut due to the many years of donating my hair to the shower drain. My wife has short hair—I find it to be sexy. My wife loves my short hair. The John Lennon look of the late 60′s does not look good on me. As for Brady, I always thought his look was unkempt; maybe that is from hanging around Bill Belichick for so long.”
The quantity of hair seemed not to matter when we asked women which celebrities they found sexy. Those named have long hair, short hair, or no hair—Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Michael Jordan, the Barber brothers (Tiki and Ronde), Cal Ripken Jr., Joseph Gordon-Levitt, David Beckham, Will Smith, George Clooney, Eric Bana, Romain Duris, Jim Carey, Robert Downey Jr., Jake Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell, and Michael Bloomberg.
Of course, all of this gets us no closer to the answer of who will win Monday’s football game. Will it be a blow out? Or will one team lose by a hair? We don’t plan to lose any hair worrying about it.
