Yesterday afternoon I had a long phone chat with Kathy, a friend from my high school days. We have known each other for decades and even though we are separated by distance and the demands of our daily lives, whenever we talk it seems like we’ve never been apart. We have a history together, years spent sharing laughs and tears, success and failure, good times and bad times. She makes me laugh, always gives good advice, and continues to amaze me with her energy and intellect.
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship these days. Making and keeping friends is tough. Some require more care and attention than others. Knowing when to step back and give a friend some space is often as important as being on call 24/7 to take those panicked phone calls. Losing a friend can be as painful as making a new friend is exhilarating.
There’s been much buzz about Lady Gaga who now has more than 11 million followers on Facebook. “Lady Gaga thanks all of the little monsters on Facebook who helped her become the first living person with over 10 million friends!” she proclaims on her page. (Only Michael Jackson and Texas Holdem Poker have more friends on Facebook. Barack Obama lags behind Lady Gaga by more than one million friends). Lady Gaga (aka Stefani Germanotta) has said in interviews that she struggled during high school to fit in. She must find it satisfying that some of the same young women who she felt once shunned her are now signing on to be her friends. And like the true marketing phenomenon she has become, no one is turned away. A click is a click.
Facebook and Twitter have changed the way we meet and make friends. I have friends and followers on my pages that I have never met. Yet they are there, listed as my “friends.” They come and post and tweet to tell me about what has been happening in their lives. This is “safe friendship,” relationships that exist in cyberspace alone and perhaps would not survive in the real world. While it may take an entire afternoon to meet a friend for coffee to commiserate about a breakup, it’s quicker to post a comment or extend a virtual hug on a Facebook page.
Lady Gaga’s excitement over her growing number of followers points to the competition to amass as many online friends as possible. Even celebrities (and dare we say, Presidents?) have signed on to this contest. Someone with fewer than 100 friends on Facebook might be embarrassed to admit she has so few people in her corner. Why not work to increase that number to 300, 500, several thousand?
Quantity, however, will never make up for quality. How is it possible to maintain hundreds, even thousands of friendships on Facebook and really be a good friend to everyone on the list? A true friendship, like any relationship, requires work. And there are not enough hours in the day to nurture so many friendships.
Lady Gaga will never be able to meet all 11 million of her friends, and those signing on to be friends with Michael Jackson and Texas Holdem Poker certainly know that the friendship will be one-sided.
Still, there is a place in our lives for the links we make online. I have reconnected with people that I thought were lost to me forever. My Facebook page is a reflection of my life, the schools I have attended, the jobs I have held, the people I have met along the way. Some were good friends for a time and may be again. Some may lead to other connections and opportunities. That’s why when someone requests that I “friend” someone, I usually do. While I value my longtime friends, I hope I never stop making new ones, no matter how they come my way.
