For me, when it comes to dating, playing games is kinda like vermouth. Sure, a splash is nice, but not at all the point of the martini. Basically, I can take them or leave them. Sure, you should be a bit unavailable at times. You should keep your mouth shut and not blurt out every detail about yourself immediately. And you should know how to use restraint when it’s obvious you need to. Put it this way. When you have to wear your jeggings because your real jeans don’t fit, you hastily reprioritize gym, diet, and booze. Well, don’t you? Yeah, it’s no different with dating.

Now, I don’t encourage game playing. Heck, no. The only games I truly enjoy are monopoly, scrabble and hide and go seek. No, no. I’m talking about something entirely different here. What I do encourage, nay, strongly suggest you do is BE SMART. Yes, game playing IS different than being smart. In other words, figure out what you want and then strategize how to get it. Be yourself, be genuine, be interested – but just don’t make it SO easy. Being smart can help to keep the momentum rolling long enough to get what you want out of the relationship.

Let’s face it. Coming on too strong, appearing too eager, showing all your cards immediately – that’s hardly a tried-and-true way to make a relationship last. That’s just not being smart.  You’ve got to inject a little mystery and intrigue in the early stages. That’s right. Make your pursuers work a little. After all, we all appreciate the things we earn more than the things we’re merely handed on a silver platter. With that in mind, here are six basic rules for being smart:

Remember There’s No Prize For Finishing First

Dating is not a race. Sometimes it might feel like we have to move at lightning speed in order to accomplish our goals. But, when finding someone to spend the rest of our life with, it is usually best to go slow. Don’t rush the early courtship. The three hour phone conversations, staying up all night in bed kissing, the rush of seeing him after only two days apart - that excitement, intoxication and learning process is the best part! So, don’t rush it. I know it’s tempting, but taking it slow is absolutely the best strategy for long term success. Love has no time limit, so why rush and force a relationship along only to potentially sabotage it. Remind yourself that he doesn’t need to know everything about you immediately. There is nothing wrong with getting to know the person slowly before you make big decisions and commitments.

Keep Him Guessing

It’s no secret that human beings are curious. Take advantage of that by keeping your man always wondering. Basically, don’t be so predictable. Be intimate at unexpected moments and locations. Blurt out some profanity or outrageous comment, even if you’re not naughty by nature. Change up your style. Sport a mini skirt one date and a conservative blouse the next. A bit of spontaneity and unpredictability goes a long way. Bottom line is that there are things that we can do to excite, stimulate, and create interest and confound. And after all, dating is a long test of compatibility. You have many different layers so make sure to show parts of them all. Caution: Don’t go overboard. I’m not suggesting you be sneaky, dishonest, or evasive. Be yourself, but just don’t let things get TOO routine too quickly. The time you spend together should be exciting!

Pay Attention to Verbal and Physical Cues

The trick to being smart is paying attention. Both to him and to yourself. Listen carefully to him; he’ll tell you everything you need to know. Without being tricky and mischievous, use the info to strategize and conquer. Different things make us tick.  Learn what makes HIM tick. Make sure he makes YOU tick! As for yourself, be aware of your tone, body language and expressions (smiling is critical). When you synchronize positive body language (uncross those arms, ladies!), the speed and volume of your voice and the type of words you use, people feel more safe, comfortable and trusting with you. The general overtone should always be flirty, energetic and positive!

Play It Pretty Cool

Don’t overdo the texting, bbming, facebook chatting, emailing, tweeting. That includes emoticons, too! These days, technology makes it really easy to contact someone at every and any moment of the day. Step away from your iphone (or give it to a friend to hold onto for a little while) and stop yourself. Even if he’s contacting you obsessively, you don’t always need to be available to respond. His feelings for you won’t change if you don’t speak to him for ten hours. Actually, his curiosity will grow and he will probably become even more interested. Yeah, just be attentive and responsive without being needy. Here’s the thing. Some people love constant contact but many others will get overwhelmed by immediate intense communication. Perhaps they’re skittish, shy, once-bitten, whatever. Therefore it’s advisable to play it just a little on the cool side at the beginning. Just in case. Plus, mystery and anticipation and buildup are half the fun.

Don’t Over think Or Overanalyze

Women have a great tendency to over think and overanalyze everything. We obsess about every detail and dissect every single move. In other words, we kill the horse and beat it after its dead. And as if that’s not enough, we then like to put it on sticks and pretend it’s alive so we can beat it even more. This sort of behavior is really and truly just not productive. If it works, it’s going to work. If it doesn’t, it just won’t. So, take a breath, relax and enjoy being in the throes of a new relationship. The flow of a new relationship will either be a natural progression or naturally go nowhere. Trust that it will go in the direction it’s supposed to. Over time, you’ll be able to determine which is which. In the meantime, try to be the strong, independent woman that you are and let things sort themselves out.

Allow Yourself To Accept Defeat

Not every relationship works. If you’re not getting what you need, don’t be too afraid, insecure, or nervous to end it. Everyone is looking for something different at different times in their life. Perhaps he has a lot going on at work. Perhaps he’s getting over a recent breakup. Perhaps he’s just not compatible with you. Maybe things will work out in the future. Then again, maybe they won’t. Don’t allow yourself to stay in a relationship that isn’t working for you. Although frightening – yes, no one likes starting over – being alone and moving onto someone new will be easier than staying with someone that can’t consistently give you what you need and deserve. Take him off your gchat. Stop looking at his facebook profile. Move on. It’s really OK.

Here’s the thing. Dating is a long, exhilarating, and at times frustrating process we must endure. Fostering and maintaining a successful and healthy relationship is not easy. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes the will to keep dating fun. It also, more importantly, takes two people who actually want to be in a relationship. Be smart. Have a life, be busy, don’t be available every second.  Show them that your life is already full – you are just making room for them. Remember, though, it shouldn’t feel like a chore to date you.  Look good and be happy around them.  Let them see you out, let them see you with friends, let them see you looking great.  Be attentive, honest and straightforward. Most of these suggestions should come naturally but a few reminders never hurt! If you like him, let him know you’re interested, of course, but just don’t go overboard. Moderation is key.

Bottom line? There are rules to making the perfect martini. And the perfect martini varies from drinker to drinker. Some enjoy martinis dirty with extra olives. Others prefer martinet’s straight up with a twist. Once you figure out what you want, the trick is to know what you’re ordering and to do it with confidence. And remember, deciding on the right martini is like breaking in a new relationship, once you get it the way you like it, it’ll be old faithful.