She calls every night before you go to bed. He calls every morning when you wake up. She reminds you to bring sunscreen before your trip to Aruba. He leaves twenty frantic messages on your phone (and in your inbox) to check on your flight status. She bought you your Tumi rolling suitcase for your birthday. He bought you too many shots. Heck, I’m not talking about your girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m talking about your parents.

Parents want the best for their children. They want to protect them in every way possible. But there is such a thing as being an over-protective parent. When it comes to dating and relationships, many parents do not understand the limitations and boundaries. Now, I share just about everything with my immediate family, so they are fully aware of my dating situations, stories and the fact that I write these articles. Luckily, they do understand my want and need for some privacy and don’t ask follow-up questions TOO often (thank God).

That being said, sometimes they need to be given a limited access pass. Heck, if you read my article “The Thousands of Boys in Two Thousand And Nine” you’d recall that my over-eager yenta of a mother gave my business card to a complete stranger! Granted, we dated for six months, but that’s neither here nor there! Anyway, I guess that’s just what (Jewish) parents do. They’re set to ignite and they have a ticking timer. When a child is of marriageable age, that timer goes off rather abruptly and forcefully. Anyone and anything in their path of destruction gets hit. Head on. And without warning.

Why do some parents not understand or respect bounderies? Why do some parents need to be put in the corner in time-out. The issue of boundaries raises an even thornier question. Should parents be allowed to intervene in their kids love life at all? How much is too much? How much can kids control it? You need to renegotiate your relationship, establish new boundaries, and let them know the best way they can support you. So, here’s my take on it all. Here’s a little advice for both you kids and parents tuning in.

For The Kids

Limit Their Access
Yes, your mom will call you five hundred times a day to see if you’ve signed up for JDate. Tell her yes, but don’t give her your password. Give your parents enough information so they feel in the loop and informed but do not tell them every scrutinizing up to the minute detail. Keep some stuff to yourself and maintain a little mystery. Bring out your Burberry trenchcoat, sunglasses, and hat. You’re not you, you’re secret agent 007. You’re not on your way to a date at Diablo Royale, you’re investigating a potential poisoning at the hot dog stand on Seventh avenue. If your parents push with questions, just talk into your pen as you run away.

They’ve Been There, Done That
OK, maybe you don’t want to think about your dad ever having been, well, an actual guy. Like. Ever. Ever. But your parents are your parents because they’ve already lived through the various phases of life. Well, more or less successfully. They’ve had broken hearts. They’ve dated the one that won’t committ. They’ve been cheated on. They’ve waited for him or her to call them back. (Probably on a land line, though.) Hey! They came out the other end, right? And they at least found each other, right? They usually know what they’re talking about. Try to listen a little.

They’ll Be There When He’s Not
Go ahead and let them meddle, a bit. If they meddle beyond the line? Heck, I don’t know. Ground them. Take away their laptop. Grab the car keys. But remember, someday things in your quest to find Mr. Right might go all wrong and they may (likely) have some wisdom to impart. And they will be there to support you, stand by you and tell you everything will be OK. Don’t push them away completely. Someday, you’ll need them. But I know you all know that.

Think Before You Speak
You might be able to forgive your significant other, but your parents won’t forget it. Your parents will remember the times he made you cry. They will remember the time he stood you up. They won’t forget the negative qualities he posseses with which you spoke of so candidly. They will not forget ANY of it. So, unless you want them to always have a bad impression, try to use a little restraint. That way, if things work out, they won’t always think of him as the less than perfect guy.

For The Parents

Let Us Learn From Our Own Mistakes
Sure, you patched up our cuts and kissed our boo boo’s when we were younger. But you can’t restrict us from getting hurt forever. Children (and adults) learn from playing. The odds we will get hurt somewhere along the way is rather inevitable. But you have to let us explore. It is okay to have a relationship and end up with a broken heart. It is also okay to show us how to mend that heart and move on. It is not okay to tell us not to do it again.

Have A Little Tact Or We Will React
Try to show a bit of sensitivity. Don’t ask us every time we speak if we’re dating anyone. Most likely, we’re not but we wished we were. We don’t need (or like) the reminder that we’re not. Fine. The intentions might be right but the advice and questioning isn’t always welcome. Unless you want to start world war III, don’t bug us too much. We don’t need to tell you about every not-so-special person in our life. But we’ll tell you when we meet someone special. Trust me.

If We’re Not Telling You, I’m Telling You There’s A Reason
Maybe he broke up with us. Maybe she’s made it clear she’s just not interested. Good news travels fast. We all know that. If we haven’t mentioned so and so in a few weeks, don’t ask. There’s probably a reason we’ve been pretending they were stolen by aliens and transported to an alternate universe. We’ll let you know if and when they return to the planet earth.

You Don’t Know What Goes On Behind Closed Doors
No worries, I’m not talking about the birds and the bees here. I’m talking about our feelings. You might not like him. You might think he’s not good enough for us. But in the thick walls of our relationship, behind the closed double doors, we might be crazy about each other. Maybe he makes us laugh until we pee our pants. Maybe we have mind blowing, earth shattering, bed breaking sex. Maybe we’re just lonely and in need of some attention and cuddles. Trust. Trust that we’re smart enough to know what’s right for us. Let us figure it out for ourselves. Sometimes, rather often, we will get to the right answer but it’s better if we get to it on our own, when we’re ready and in our own time.

Here’s the thing. I’ve always felt comfortable talking to my parents about my dating life. I think that’s rather obvious given I write dating articles. And sure, I do have the epitome of the smothering, meddling, Jewish mother who drives me crazy sometimes. She gives me neurosis I maybe wouldn’t have otherwise. My dad is pretty cool, actually. But, he, too, likes to be “in the know” if you know what I mean. So ok, my parents might be over-protective. Any guy I’ve dated can definitely atest to that. (I know those ones of you reading this are nodding your head in complete and utter agreement right now, ha!)

Regardless, even when I’m fuming with anger, ignoring their calls and at a bottomless pit of fury, I know that it’s only because they care. They love me. They want the best for me. Parents. We. Know. Don’t think that we don’t. But my goodness, give us a little space. Let us make mistakes. Let us learn from them. Allow us to experience some of the things that you did. When we meet someone, who really makes us happy, you’ll know. We’ll tell you. You’ll meet them. You’ll spend time with them. And yes, you’ll get to interogate them. But, let us be for now. Let us live. Let us date. Let us be kids. Let us fall in love. Let us have great sex. Let us have passion. Let us figure out what we want. Now, I’ve kept this entry very PG for a reason. So go along and forward this to your parents!

I want to know your thoughts! Do you agree? Disagree? Have you already disowned your parents? I won’t sleep until I’ve heard the worst meddling parent stories out there.