You met your now boyfriend back in college, freshman year to be exact. It was an equal playing field back then, because you were both in school furthering your education to advance whatever career path you chose. Now that you’ve graduated and have either gone on to graduate or professional school or entered the workforce, you notice a change in the relationship. The two of you are no longer moving at the same pace and that playing field is now a bit slanted.
As we all know, life isn’t fair and everything doesn’t always go as planned, but you work through it and fight for what you want. Where does it leave the relationship when your man stops fighting for what he wants? What do you do when he becomes complacent with mediocrity? His standards of mediocrity might I add. The relationship turns sour when you are doing what you set out to do and he just isn’t. It’s hard to leave someone behind in the proverbial dust because, after all, the both of you are in this together, right?
Let’s face it, love is not enough to stay together. When you fell in love, you fell for more than his personality and looks. You fell for his drive and passion for life. I’m not saying women should leave their man at the first signs of doubt or trouble, but it is important not to overlook issues that arise in the relationship just because there’s love. When a man feels he isn’t bringing anything to the table, those feelings can manifest right in the middle of your relationship without warning. Some men take the initiative to go out and level the playing field again, some just slump lower and wallow in self-pity while others may even blame their partner. They become ashamed and resentful. This is when you know you’ve outgrown your man:
Fight or Flight. You are still on the path to personal and professional growth and your man has been on an extended layover. When things don’t go our way, it is easy to check-out and give up, and it is hard to get up and keep going. The trick is to not let life and its curve balls knock you down for good. If he is always playing the ‘woe is me’ card, it may be time to move on.
Sunny Storms. When you’re man can no longer take enjoyment in your success because of his own personal or professional shortcomings, pay attention. No one wants to be under a dark cloud, especially while the sun is shining on you. In a partnership/relationship, you should be able to take pride in your mate and their accomplishments and when you can’t, it can lead to insecurities, which threaten the relationship.
Loose Ends. You and your man are feeling disconnected. Maybe you aren’t spending as much time together or doing as many activities outside of the home. He is finding excuses to spend more time away and you aren’t necessarily complaining either. The things you have in common are decreasing in each passing day making conversation a thing of the past.
Fire and Desire. The passion and spark have fizzled and you cannot think of any reasons to stay together anymore and you’re not sure if you have the energy to make it work.
End of the Road. When your man is no longer a factor in your future plans. When we’re in love, our mate and our relationships are considered just as much as the opportunities presented before us. The moment you make a major decision without considering or even consulting your other half is the moment you have decided that their presence in your life has lost its ranking, and it’s time to say goodbye.
Remember that you can still be in love while outgrowing your man, which makes it difficult to leave. Relationships can be salvaged if there is willingness from both participants and only in the absence of envy and pride. If you feel that your relationship is worth fighting for, express those concerns to your mate and based on his response, go from there. If you feel that it is in fact time to move on, don’t string him along unnecessarily. If it is meant to be it will, but one person cannot carry a relationship, it just doesn’t work that way. Even if you don’t mind things the way they are, the relationship will still be in jeopardy if your man feels like less of a man by not bringing to the table what he considers to be acceptable.