Of all the reality shows on TV, Dancing with the Stars has managed to distinguish itself. Contestants have to actually DO something besides allow cameras to follow them around while they live their ridiculous (pathetic) lives. Week to week, these would-be dancers, paired up with professional hoofers, work hard to hone their skills. Anyone who has ever taken dance lessons, anything from the Lindy to the tango, knows that a certain amount of talent is necessary but, in the end, hard work gets the job done.

That doesn’t mean, however, that this reality show doesn’t make itself a target for critics (like me). Because Dancing is one of the most popular shows on TV (competition on TV isn’t what it used to be), fading stars look to this program to rejuvenate their flagging careers and we are stuck with them. Each season, those selected seem like an odd group and the 2010 lineup is no exception.

So here goes another season where the has-beens face off against the wannabes. May the best (or worst) win.

The Athletes Who Always Wanted to Be Fred Astaire or Michael Jackson

There’s always an athlete who has excelled in a sport and is willing to test his or her prowess in a different way. So we had Emmitt Smith, a professional football player, who actually won and now does commercials for Just for Men haircolor, and Misty May-Treanor, the beach volleyball player, who won a gold medal without injuring herself, but ruptured her Achilles tendon during a dance rehearsal. (Brings a new appreciation for Ginger Rogers, no?)

Fresh off his gold medal win in Vancouver, Evan Lysacek (above) will try his figure skating moves on the dance floor. No doubt, many will tune in and root for him. In the Emmitt tradition, we also have Chad Ochocinco, of the Cincnnati Bengals, who now feels it’s safe to show his feminine side without damaging his Alpha-male reputation. (After all, there are many hair care products still looking for spokesmen). Last but not least in the sports category, we have Erin Andrews, a sportscaster for ESPN, who recently was in the news because a peeping tom videotaped her in her hotel room without her knowledge. On Oprah Winfrey, she described the experience as “a nightmare.” We have to applaud her bravery, not letting that incident force her into hiding.

My Career Needs a Boost Category

Pamela Anderson. Nuff said.

Nicole Scherzinger. Best known (?) as the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls (something that, I promise, will never show up on Jeopardy), Nicole supposedly has a great advantage because of her dance skills. Yup! I’m sure you remember those Pussycat Dolls and how they burned up the dance floor. Her bandmates have moved on (surprise!) so she’s looking to move on, too. Question is, where to?

Shannen Doherty. How can we put this? Shannen (above) has “issues.” Wherever she goes, People magazine cheers because the staff knows it will have endless cover stories about her meltdowns, temper tantrums, squabbles with co-stars, etc. Hey, Shannen! You know on Dancing you will have a partner? And you two will have to work together? Good luck with that!

Aiden Turner. Every Dancing needs a soap star, and this season Aiden Turner is it. This Brit was a regular on All My Children (Dancing is an ABC-TV show and the network shamelessly plugs all its shows. Susan Lucci also appeared on Dancing), and he’s hot! Even though he’s married, the female vote is his to lose.

Buzz Aldrin. He walked on the moon. But can he dance? At 80 years-old, he will have all the seniors cheering. Don’t look for him to win, but he will certainly demonstrate “The Right Stuff.”

Nicey Nash. Is just plain annoying!! She is a regular on The Insider, loudly voicing her opinions on the problems being faced by every other celebrity. (Only Star Jones is more annoying. Lara Spencer—what are you doing on that show? You’re better than that!) So this may be payback time for all those stars she has badmouthed. The line forms to the right.

Reality Stars Whose 15 Minutes Expired Long Ago

Jake Pavelka. The latest train wreck that has become The Bachelor (above). Go home Jake! No one cares who you date, marry, or dance with!

And We’ve Saved the Best (and the Worst) for Last

Kate Gosselin. We suffered through Jon & Kate Plus 8. We suffered through her divorce. We suffered through her appearance on The View. And now, we are just suffering. Kate Gosselin is the prime example of all that is wrong with our culture today. Andy Warhol was wrong. People no longer are willing to settle for 15 minutes of fame. They want a lifetime of fame. They want to be on magazine covers, rake in millions of dollars, and then complain to Barbara Walters (who blamed the Kate Gosselins of the world for changing the whole definition of star) that they cannot stand the paparazzi, the gossip columnists, the intrusions into their private lives. Oh! The pain of it all! That’s why she’s signing up for Dancing. So that she can finally focus on something serious.

So, here you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The lineup for what television now considers quality programming. The good news? No animals were harmed in the production. At least PETA can relax.