Mark Rylance is, quite simply, the funniest man on Broadway. In the title role of “the beast,” he farts, belches, spews and poops his way to unbridled laughter from the audience. We recognize this guy. He’s the nightmare blind date, your fiance’s obnoxious uncle who tries to fondle you at the Thanksgiving dinner table, the creepy jerk you get caught talking to at a cocktail party (he waits at the ladies room door when you try to escape). This is France, 1654.

But boors don’t change much through the centuries.

The plot, such as it is, revolves around the fact that to keep himself and his troupe of players in the Court, and therefore able to earn a living, playwright Elomire (David Hyde Pierce) must compromise his principles. On orders from his patron, the Princess (Joanna Lumley), he must accept as a writing partner one Valere (Rylance), writer of truly ghastly plays. Worse yet, he will have to endure Valere’s incessant bragging and dramatic pronouncements.

It’s hard to tear your attention away from Rylance during his hilarious half hour monologue at the center of the play, but don’t miss Pierce’s reactions. There’s nothing more difficult or essential than listening well on stage, and Pierce is a master.

Lumley is less engaging. She looks gorgeous in a long, wavy red wig and bejeweled champagne gown. But she seems to be in another play altogether, and misses the opportunity to add to the comedy. She’s clearly visible during the presentation of Valere’s play, yet doesn’t react with the rapture she claims to feel for his work. And it’s definitely acceptable to be over the top in this production. After all, any play with the line “God bless the critics” is clearly a farce.

You must love language to enjoy what’s being offered. It is all in verse, and at an hour and forty-five minutes, it’s quite long enough. Also, your final impression will depend on your own personal experience and preference.

Friends, there is a message here, and this is where we may part ways. While the name “Elomire” (wink wink) clearly indicates the accomplished professional playwright, I take him to also represent professional theater. It seems clear to me that Valere represents the amateur who considers himself “semi-professional, just as good.” Community theater, non-Equity dinner theater, and high school productions are all fine recreational outlets. Hey, who doesn’t want to see Crazy Ol’ Cousin Bob play King Lear? But while claims of “Better than Broadway” don’t fool the Cognescenti, there are many who just don’t get the reality of the situation. In Playbills, actors proudly proclaim the fact that they belong to Actor’s Equity Association. There’s a good reason for that. “You pays your money and you takes your choice,” but for me, I agree with Elomire. To compromise the integrity of the professional theater is to diminish the talent, struggles, and sheer determination of those who spend their lives working to enlighten us through their gift and their skill. I, for one, will continue to say “no thank you” to anything less than Professional Theater. Life is too short to squander it on the Valeres of this world.

La Bete
Music Box Theatre
239 West 45th Street

Michall Jeffers is an accomplished Cultural Journalist. She writes extensively, both in print and online. Her eponymous cable TV show is syndicated throughout the tri-state area, and features celebrity interviews, reviews, and commentary. She is a voting member of Drama Desk, Outer Critics Circle, American Theatre Critics Association, International Association of Theatre Critics. michalljeffers@verizon.net. michalljeffers.com