Respectful Culture: Civil Conversations and Comedians

By Karetta Hubbard, Lynne Revo-Cohen, Gwen Crider, and Maria Morukian. Maria is an internationally recognized diversity expert, with sixteen years of experience developing integrated, experiential organizational development initiatives, with a special interest in diversity and inclusion, intercultural competence, and organizational culture transformation. What follows are examples taken from her experiences in the classroom.

Our series on Toxic Culture is evolving into Respectful Cultures, teaching how to have Civil Conversations to bridge points of view that divide us. This week, NewPoint Strategies focuses on Comedians using positive humor.

In our current society, it seems increasingly difficult to have civil conversations when we disagree about social issues. There is a heightened level of anxiety to engage in candid discussion around our differences–politically, culturally, ideologically.  In many ways, social media has contributed to this divide by making it less likely that we physically sit across the table from others who don’t think like us and just talk. We either avoid talking with those whom we believe are not like us, or lash out at each other via Twitter or Facebook, using terms we likely would not utter if that person was physically in our presence. 

How do we pull ourselves to a place where we are willing to recognize and share one another’s humanity? The beauty of honest, open dialogue is that we don’t shy away from wrestling with uncomfortable topics, but we do so with empathy and curiosity for others.  

There has been a lot of discussion of late in our society around the need to address our nation’s increasing polarization, to create a Safe Place for people to share their stories with the intention of building bridges of understanding and compassion, by speaking from personal experience instead of pointing fingers, learning by accepting multiple realities. 

One untapped resource we can draw from in order to build such bridges is with people who build their careers around focusing on theirs and others’ humanness, with all its beauty and flaws–Comedians! 

In particular from comedians who use their own personal stories and experiences to introduce and talk about tough topics. They are willing to make themselves vulnerable, to share their own absurdities and flaws and blind spots. They are willing to make bold statements or observations of topics that might make us squirm in discomfort a bit at times, but they do so in service of shining a light on important issues that affect people. 

Can we have a space for humor that pushes the boundaries of social mores without crossing the line into hurtful or hateful language of others? Is there an audience for that? Let’s explore some examples:

• Richard Pryor became famous for frequently using the N-word in his comedy. His brand of shocking, irreverent humor won audiences of all races. Then in 1983, after a visit to Kenya, he made a clear change to his rhetoric. He used his experience in his comedy routines to talk about reclaiming dignity and pride for Black people. To this day, Pryor is still lauded as one of the greatest comics in history.

• Sarah Silverman is a female comedian known for her bawdy and often vulgar humor. When a man on Twitter responded to one of Silverman’s tweets by calling her a profane term for a female body part, she responded with compassion, sharing where they had similar challenges in their lives. She even asked her Twitter followers to help her find medical and financial assistance for the man, who was suffering from chronic pain issues. Her kind response to his vitriol kindled a dialogue between the two that reshaped the man’s perspective and online behaviors.

• Lindy West is no stranger to social media trolls. In her comedy, she often uses her life experiences of being taunted and bullied because of her weight. She has used her platform to call out those who publicly shame overweight people, including her one-time editor and boss at Jezebel. West has also taken on fellow comedians over the issue of rape jokes, consistently and articulately arguing why that type of humor doesn’t belong in comedy. She’s faced an immense amount of backlash but even more, an incredible outpouring of thanks and support from followers and fellow celebrities and comedians. 

• Amy Schumer, the self-proclaimed “sex comic,” has never shied away from using shocking, bawdy commentary in her routines. In a recent interview with CBS News’ Gayle King, Schumer discussed how there are things she would have joked about even a year ago that she has since moved away from in the wake of #MeToo, realizing that her words can be detrimental to social progress: “Once I realized I was running the risk of people laughing for the wrong reasons…I completely changed my tune.”

These comedians can serve as an example for how to create a forum for difficult conversations. We don’t have to be professional comics or entertainers to learn from their best practices. By boldly stating our own stories, both the successes and failures, we make ourselves relatable and humble. We model empathy by listening to others’ stories and showing compassion, even when they don’t give us the same gift in return. Maybe we can bring some lightness and humanity to our tough conversations. 

We welcome your thoughts and comments. Each contributes to the conversation which is the key to understanding and culture change.

Please send them to WATExplorer@gmail.com and we will publish them. Thanks!

Since 1984 the founders of NewPoint Strategies, Karetta Hubbard and Lynne Revo-Cohen, have built a strong reputation for delivering extremely effective prevention training in high-risk issues such as sexual harassment/assault.  Contributing Author and Lead Consultant, Chris Kilmartin, Ph.D, Emeritus Professor of Psychology from the University of Mary Washington, is an expert in Sexual Harassment and Assault Prevention, specifically Male Violence Against Women. Gwen Crider is a Diversity Expert. For more information, go to the website for NewPoint Strategies.

Top photo from Bigstock: Amy Schumer at the Los Angeles premiere of ‘I Feel Pretty’ held at the Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, California, on April 17, 2018.