The Father – Inside the Mind of Dementia

During the ten years my mother suffered from dementia, she went through all the expected stages – confusion, forgetfulness, anger, sadness, and fear. When I was with her, I did my best to help but could never understand what she was seeing. Who did she think I was when I showed up for a visit? What made her think I had stolen something from her? How could she not remember that I had just served her dinner?

The Father, the first feature from French novelist and playwright Florian Zeller, actually answers some of my questions. Rather than view the disease of dementia from those caring for the individual, we are inside the mind of Anthony, (an incredible performance by Anthony Hopkins), experiencing the confusion along with him. When we first meet his daughter Anne, played by Olivia Coleman, she tells him she’s moving to Paris to be with a man she’s met. After she leaves, Anthony hears someone in the flat and finds Anne’s husband, Paul (Mark Gatiss), sitting in the living room reading a newspaper. Anne moving to Paris? Paul laughs. Not true. He and Anne are still married. 

In the midst of this, Anne returns with a chicken for Anthony’s lunch, only this time she’s played by Olivia Williams. Anthony doesn’t recognize her and is confused. So are we. Although the first Anne came in carrying blue grocery bags the second Anne has a brown one. But then that bag and the chicken are gone. Anne’s husband, Paul, however, is back, this time played by Rufus Sewell. Anthony is told the flat he’s living in isn’t his at all, but Anne’s. Anthony’s sure the flat is his, including the picture over the fireplace painted by his daughter, Lucy. But why hasn’t she visited? Both Anne and Paul look uncomfortable each time Lucy is mentioned. Obviously she’s dead, something Anthony has forgotten.

Anthony has worn out a string of caregivers. The last, Angela, quit after he accused her of stealing his watch. (He constantly misplaces his watch and freely accuses others, including Paul, of the theft.) A young woman, Laura (Imogen Poots), shows up to be interviewed for the caregiver job. While she talks about her experience, she seems naive and unprepared to deal with Anthony’s bullying. He presses her to drink with him and insults her several times. Anne is mortified by her father’s behavior. Coleman, in this scene as in so many others throughout the film, manages to keep a smile on her face, even when tears are coursing down her cheeks. 

While Anne keeps apologizing for her father, Paul’s attitude, which seems brusque, even cruel, is more realistic. Anthony is not himself because he’s ill. And while bending to his demands that he be kept in the flat seems empathetic, he needs more care than Anne and even a fleet of caregivers can provide at home. 

While we don’t know what Anne’s relationship was with her father before he became ill, we gather enough evidence to assume he was a strong father figure. It’s not easy to switch roles as decision maker in that type of situation. When Paul accuses Anthony of ruining his daughter’s life, he’s expressing his own frustration, but speaking to a father who has lost the ability to think clearly. 

With outstanding performances by this small cast, The Father, while not an easy film to watch, is an important one. Dementia doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects family members involved in the care. Too often we hold off on making plans. With an aging population in our country, perhaps it will encourage discussion among family members who may one day be faced with making difficult decisions. 

Top photo: Olivia Colman as Anne, Anthony Hopkins as Anthony. Photo by Sean Gleason. Courtesy of Sony Pictures Classics.