Everywhere An Oink Oink by David Mamet

“Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair; it’s full of surprises, and you’re constantly getting fucked.” From Speed the Plow by David Mamet

This book is subtitled An Embittered, Dyspeptic, and Accurate Report of Forty Years in Hollywood. Believe it. David Mamet wrote 40 screenplays, half of which got made, and directed 10 features. He has a bone to pick with just about every profession relating to film and a great many (named) people.

“Producers: produce nothing. Their time is spent scenting the wind and looking for an opportunity to advance.” Agents: “If you’re hot you don’t need an agent, if you’re not, the agent doesn’t need you.” The Development Process: “created the ‘girlfriend as executive’… D girls make a living ensuring that no scripts that pass their desks get made.”

A good part of the volume is wildly disjointed, curious as Mamet’s scripts volubly flow. He talks about inflated bills for nonexistent services – providers scamming on one end, studios on the other. There are opinions about Jews (his people), immigrants, movie stars, awards (from a man who won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama – Glengarry Glen Ross) and a lot of insider quotes on which film buffs will pounce.

Mamet thinks infamous agent Sue Mengers was the most interesting person in Hollywood and that Ricky Jay “was arguably the best magician of his age and also a wonderful actor.” (The director used him in four films.) He was “in love” with Myrna Loy and Audrey Hepburn. “Audrey was not Jewish, Katharine (Hepburn) was. She had bad skin. Max Factor compensated for it inventing make-up. Merle Oberon had her hairline raised and her skin lightened. Bette Davis had an oversized head. Train of thought. One can’t object to admiration for Loy, Hepburn or Jay.

There are stories about or particular references to Gene Hackman, Mike Nichols, Stanley Kubrick, Lauren Bacall, Howard Hawks and unadulterated praise for editor Barbara Tulliver. Debra Winger ran a high stakes blackjack game for herself and teamsters on the set of Black Widow. Brief anecdotes are peppered throughout. “I first met Paul Newman at Sidney’s (Lumet) office during pre-production for The Verdict. I said, ‘Hello.’ He replied, ‘I just got laid.’”

About studio businessmen: “The artist’s problem, as always, is that the merchants, indispensable to our sustenance and the parasites who batten on us have no idea what we’re doing.” And later, “The bad money will drive out the good, the tail will wag the dog.” (See his terrific film, Wag the Dog for prime example.) Mamet is eminently quotable. The book is filled with Mamet original editorial cartoons, often searing.

Dino De Laurentiis hated the script Ridley Scott had asked him to write for Hannibal, fired him, and hired someone else. That writer volunteered to give its first author credit. “It was a pile of shit as was the film.” If offended by language, you’re probably not a Mamet fan. A script written for Costa-Gavras was returned in “a very thick envelope, stuffed, as I could feel, with many handwritten pages.” Not having heard from him for a month, Mamet surmised it had been rejected. He sent the unopened packet on to his agent who read it, then refused to tell him what it said.

The author’s screenplay for Lolita was rejected by Daryl Zanuck. “He said it made Humbert Humbert look like a pedophile.” Zanuck gets repeatedly roasted. “He didn’t find Anne Baxter sexy enough for The Razor’s Edge until Gregory Ratoff said she was a good lay.” About casting today: “Are current executives skewing the casting process in good faith? When did they ever do anything in good faith?” About acting: “Schools load the actor with analyses that clarify nothing. They serve only to kill spontaneity…” Good acting, he declares almost humbly, is a mystery.

An observation that comics make the best villains, like Steve Martin in Mamet’s film, The Spanish Prisoner, and Jackie Gleason in The Hustler, is astute. In fact, despite sour grapes, much here is astute. Discussions on sequencing, revealing character and audience manipulation are excellent. Powers of observation are acute. He’s smart, cultured, often darkly funny. And always egotistical.

“Directing a film in my day meant taking the helm of a small community of dedicated craftspeople who took pride in fulfilling any request. But note, the request had to be stated in practicable terms. ‘Could I have a yellow one?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Can you make it more inviting?’ ‘No.’ ” There are observations about on-set issues and notable directors rife with examples.

“I spent fifty years as a dramatist, the only thing I was good at…The business has changed (died) and as I aged out of it, I got sidelined because of my politics (respect for the Constitution).” His general feeling about the business? “The rooms at Versailles were tiny, unventilated, filthy, and dark, but the nobility considered any other habitation exile.”  A profession one loves to hate.

David Mamet Cartoons Courtesy of Simon & Schuster

Everywhere An Oink Oink by David Mamet
Simon & Schuster