4 Tips to Help Women Survive a Divorce
Growing up in a traditional household teaches you the classic family structure includes a mother and a father. One or both parents work, and kids are supposed to look to both of them for support and guidance.
This set-up means that it becomes difficult for everyone involved when a divorce occurs. Adults often find out they were forced into a marriage because they thought that was what they were supposed to do. Other times, they just fall in love with a person and grow apart after the wear and tear of years of living together.
Whatever the reason for the divorce, several legal and personal problems may occur in a recent divorcee’s life after the fact. This can be especially true for women. They are the ones who are expected to maintain a home life for the rest of the family.
They are also the ones who have it harder in the job market if they need to bring in more money after the broken union occurs. If you bought a house before marriage, things can be more complicated to deal with. Who does it belong to now? Does custody of the children get taken into account in relation to the house?
We’ll talk about how women can handle these sensitive issues along with how they can enjoy their lives outside of their family structure. How can women maintain friendships, careers, and even find new relationships after a divorce? Let’s dig into it.
#1 – Make Self-Care a Priority
Divorces are even more emotionally than financially draining for many women. You think you have found the man you are going to live out all of your dreams with. You see that bubble burst and the images in your head turn into disillusionment, which can be very hard to grapple with.
Mental health and self-esteem issues may arise after a divorce. You may feel you don’t deserve happiness or that you are not worthy of someone else’s attention because your marriage failed.
This is where it becomes so important to practice self-care and be patient with your mental well-being. You may have contributed to the problems that led to the divorce, but the only way you can improve is to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.
Practice things that will help you in the next phase of your life. Reconnect with old friends or family members you didn’t see as often as a married woman. Stop thinking about your weight, your intelligence, or any other superficial characteristics you think led to your marriage failing.
Many marriages fail because women think they have to revolve their lives around their husbands. This is because society has usually been patriarchal in the U.S, or revolving around male dominance.
To break with this pattern and make room for liberation in your life, how about changing your last name so that you no longer have a connection with your ex and all the pain associated with your divorce? The name change process varies from state to state, but if you live in California, the process is quite simple. The steps include: filing a petition for name change, giving name change notice, getting the certified copy of your court order, and then changing your ID and records.
What you will find if you try to love yourself more, is you don’t need anybody else to make you a better person. This will come from within. After you accept that, your next relationship will hopefully be successful.
#2 – Get What You Deserve From Your House Agreement
Deciding who gets the house you both have lived in is one of the most important decisions that occurs after a divorce. A lot of the decision depends on when the house was bought. Homes that were purchased before the marriage are usually going to belong to whoever bought the house.
That means if you moved into your husband’s home upon marriage, he is going to have a leg up when it’s time to decide who gets the house. If the home was purchased after you got married, then it is considered community property, as is any other property that was bought during the course of the marriage.
We’ll get into this more later, but children also factor into the equation of the housing agreement. The parent who is going to have custody of the children is more likely to get the family home. Kids need to have a safe and nurturing environment to live in. Forcing them outside of their childhood home eliminates this important item.
#3 – Don’t Put Your Children Entirely Over Yourself
Custody of the children is one of the first things that comes to mind when parents get a divorce. Women are usually granted the responsibility of taking care of the kids after a separation, and this can be mentally and emotionally draining on a mom.
Don’t think you need to think about your children’s happiness at the expense of your own.
When you use some of the self-care techniques that we talked about, you’ll start to see your attitudes improve in other areas.
Making yourself happy will make you a better mom and more in tune to what your children need. In turn, this will make your children happier and more independent of you.
They will be able to make mature decisions when they see their mother isn’t just there to serve them. They will figure things out on their own. They will also see through the lens of divorce that families and responsibilities come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
Make your ex-husband responsible for his parenting duties after the divorce. Just because you have the children most of the time doesn’t mean the father shouldn’t still be engaged in the family’s affairs. Seeing yourself as more than the sole provider for your little ones will make you a well-rounded person.
Don’t just be a mom and an ex-wife. Be a woman who just so happens to have kids and potential marriages. This approach to life makes you rounded and fulfilled in any phase of life you move into.
#4 – Talk to Other Divorced Women
Divorce is traumatic but also very common. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce in the United States. If you are feeling alone after your first divorce, it’s not hard to find someone who is going through the same thing.
Find women on social media who have recently divorced. See how they handle the things we’ve talked about above. This means self-care, children, housing, etc. Everyone has a personal experience that can shed light on their own.
Divorced women can provide both emotional support and financial advice. They might know tips about how to handle housing issues and what resources exist for divorcees in your area. You may be able to get good rates on car insurance for single moms, for example.
If you grew up in a house of divorce, talk to your mother for her tips and experiences. Times have changed, but some feelings of loneliness and failure that occur after divorce are universal.
And while you may not find answers to every question and concern, commiserating with similar people is always a great antidote to life’s issues.
Shawn Laib writes and researches for the legal site, FreeAdvice.com. He wants to help people who are experiencing divorce and other legal implications with accurate information and specific, actionable tips.